When Aslan Roars
by bookwurm23
Summary: When Aslan roars, winter shall be no more. When he shakes his mane, spring shall come again. Will spring ever come again for Susan? What did Susan do after she found out that her family died? Warning: Spoilers for TLB.


**A****/N: Ok, just needed a break! Here's a one-shot of Susan directly after hearing that her parents, siblings, and friends are dead. Warning: To all of you who haven't yet read ****The Last Battle****: Beware! Spoilers Ahead! **

When Aslan roars, winter shall be no more  
When he shakes his mane, spring shall come again.

Susan Pevensie walked into her room in a disbelieving state.

Her hair was still in the elegant up do it had been put in less than an hour before, in a preparation for her next party. Her dress, in the newest and most fashionable style, of course, wasn't wrinkled, and her bed room was in the exact same state it had been in when she had left to go answer the phone. The only things that were different in the Pevensie residency was the new aura surrounding it, and Susan's face.

The house, once open and warm to any one to cross the threshold, was now cold and empty of any feeling sans pain. And Susan's face, the face that she had learned to mask with makeup and products, was red and blotchy, with tear tracks running down it, devoid of nearly all of the beauty it had once held.

She no longer held herself up with the grace and poise of a queen, no, now she was only a young girl again, with no one to hold on to. She was alone in the world, now. A small, very small, part of her screamed that she was wrong, that no matter what, He would always be there for her. But the bigger part of Susan, the doubtful, mourning part, pushed it all away. He wasn't real, only a part of a game that they had played as children.

She threw herself on the bed and wept, wept for all that would never now be that could've been.

Her endearing big brother, Peter; he had been going to Oxford, aiming for degree in teaching. He always had loved children and learning new things, as one did when one was a teacher. His face floated in front of her eyes; Peter smiling, blue eyes sparkling, laden with wisdom that only one many years older than him could have possessed. His eyes hinted that he had grown up before his time, had seen things no boy should ever have to see; they showed that he had fully loved something or some one, and that he still did. His compassion had no equal, and he was as gallant as a knight, and ever so rarely was he ever caught up in the little dilemmas of everyday life; He went through his days almost as if he were bored of the everyday routines.

He truly held himself like a king. In fact, to Susan, that sounded almost right, she could almost picture the title before his name: King Peter. He was definitely as magnificent as a king could be, and it seemed to her that she _had, _in fact, heard it before, as if in another world, but she convinced herself that it was just her imaginings of long ago. She remembered his fierce protectiveness of her and Lucy. She would never forget the day that he met her first ever suitor! Poor John had nearly run away with fright of him, and Susan had to have a very long talk with Peter to ensure _that_ never happened again. Oh how he looked at her! And then, oh, and then, he had said, "Susan, do you not recall the ass, Rabadash? Did you learn nothing from him? I could just tell, he wasn't at all right for you."

She had sighed when he brought up the game they had played when they were younger. She couldn't believe that she had actually ever gone along with it! It certainly wasn't logical, nor could it have ever been as fun as going to parties with her friends or going shopping for new nylons and dresses and shoes, surely?

And then there was dearest Edmund. She could remember how perfectly beastly he used to be before they had left for the Professor's house that one summer. And when they had come back, nearly everyone noted that he was not more of a young man than a young boy; never did he whine, and he always played with Lucy when she asked him, he stood up for people unjustly wronged; his whole out look on life and attitude had changed, and anyone could see that it was for the better.

Though he had that same aura that conveyed he was an older soul, his eyes still sparkled with a boyish mischievousness, even though he never did anything that he would later regret. Despite that, he also was very thoughtful and the quietest out of all the siblings, sans perhaps Susan. He was an excellent judge of character, and very honest. For this reason, out of all her siblings, Susan had known that he was the one to talk to when she didn't know quite what to do, or wasn't feeling very forgiving. He would help her see the truth.

Susan now regretted pushing his help and love away when she needed it the most. What would have been different if she hadn't?

Ed had been attending a college as well, though he was for the law. He had wanted to make a difference in the world in his own way; make it all a little more fair, and make up for the many sins he was convinced that he had committed. _But, _Susan thought bitterly, if only for a moment, _it doesn't really matter now, after all. _Soon enough, Susan wasn't bitter anymore, though she still realized that she had a sense of anger in her for what had happened. But she wasn't ready to let it all out yet. Now, she was mourning. And besides, Susan figured that Ed would have wanted her to go on in her life, try to do the right thing. But Susan wasn't even sure what the right thing to do would be right now. Oh, how she wished he was there!

And Lucy; her favorite, and only, little sister. She couldn't believe that how she had treated her loving, faithful, loyal, valiant little sister in the last year or so of her life! Susan tried to avoid Lucy; despite her being only sixteen, consequently the youngest of the family, she understood Susan better than anyone, even out of Susan's best friends, and Susan didn't want to have her sister know how she felt. Because, Susan knew, deep down inside of her, that the old Susan would have been horrified, and even now, the newer, much more superficial Susan felt disgusted too. She practically abandoned her family, left them and their love for her shallow, boy crazy friends, expensive makeup and clothes, and all the, Susan now realized, unimportant things in life. And poor Lucy was the most hurt out of all of her family, her siblings. And, for a time, Susan felt so awful for pushing her away, but soon, she had brainwashed herself into thinking that Lucy was just an annoying, ignorant little sister who was oblivious to the world. And now, Susan knew, that it was actually _she_ who had been blind of the world and its workings, not the sweet, blond, blue eyed teenager who seemed so young and innocent. And then, to think, Susan had actually berated her for not knowing things that were seemingly important, such as how to curl hair, when Susan was the one who didn't seem to know anything! And yet, dear Lucy had always taken it sitting down, always took it bravely and with class, and though Susan saw how much it hurt her dear sister, Susan didn't stop. She couldn't seem to control her self anymore, and felt all the worse now for it.

Lucy had only been sixteen when she died; only still in high school, at the boarding school that Susan had attended when _she_ was sixteen. Lu wasn't nearly old enough to die, wasn't deserving of death. Always smiling and believing, trusting, loving, understanding as she was, she didn't deserve for anything to ever happen to her!

If anyone deserved it, Susan did! With her selfish, superficial ways that were always there; just lurking underneath the surface when she was a young girl, and beginning to show themselves as soon as she turned fourteen.

Susan thought of the rest of her family, all of them, each and everyone that had perished; her mother, her father, her siblings, even her cousin Eustace hadn't been spared! The professor, a nice old lady named Aunt Polly, and a presumably, according to Lucy, wonderful girl Susan didn't know very well named Jill…

Susan couldn't help but think that she would give anything, any of her makeup, her nylons, and her clothes, to have them all back! With all of her heart, she wished she could've been the one on those trains when they collided. Surely, she deserved it more than anyone else; out of all of the Pevensies, she was the one who had always been the most selfish, the most self centered. And no matter how much they all offered her their love, comfort, and forgiveness, she pushed them away. In favor of parties, makeup and fashion.

And Susan cried and cried, wept until she had no more tears to lose. Her love for all of them was never more prominent, and her heart ached with longing for them, and for time long gone. Susan allowed herself to remember what had happened after they went to the Professors. She reminisced about the old days past, when she had been named Susan the Gentle, although she now deserved to be named Susan the Selfish. She remembered how the trees had danced, and the fauns had played their wooden pipes, and Aslan would come and frolic in the trees with them! Oh, Aslan! How she missed him!

Though, perhaps, she thought she should feel bitter at the name, the memories, she couldn't help but feel comforted, though it brought along with it an overwhelming sense of guilt. She may have before thought that he had abandoned her; she now realized that _she _had abandoned _him_.

_Oh, Aslan! What have I done? How could I have become so selfish? All I cared for were parties, and growing up! Would they still be alive had I not pushed them all away? Is this all my fault? _She thought despairingly. She shook with dry sobs now, because she had no more fluid left in her. _Aslan, please help me! I'm so sorry! Forgive me! _She sobbed, nearly out loud.

And so, Susan Pevensie sobbed deep into the night, until she finally fell asleep, tired from being so emotionally drained.

_Susan awoke in her bed in Cair Paravel. Her eyes blinked foggily open, and she remembered nothing of the previous night. All she knew was that she was in her wonderful Cair Paravel again, and everything else just flew out of her head. She twirled about her lovely deep golden and purple room, touched everything in sight, and finally stopped in front of the mirror. Her big brown eyes widened even more when she saw her old beauty. She saw how beautiful she had looked then, with out any makeup, and with her now much longer hair draped over her shoulders naturally curled and shiny, instead of the greasy dryness of her hair back in England thanks to the products she had used in it, and how many times she had curled it. Her "beauty" in England could never compare with how beautiful she looked now, and the most surprising thing about all the things that had just happened to Susan was that she didn't feel the longing for more beauty; she felt content. And she hadn't felt so in such a long time, she started to cry for joy. _

_She sunk down, in her room, in Cair Paravel, and just cried. Susan didn't know how long she stayed there, but she was once more aware of time when she felt a new presence in the room. She looked up to see who had entered, and her mouth dropped open in awe. More tears now streaked down her face, but now it wasn't because she was so happy. Now she remembered everything that had come to pass, and she felt incredibly guilty, and mournful. _

"_Oh, Aslan! I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me!" She cried through her tears, looking at the great tawny lion, begging for his forgiveness. _

_And then He talked in his great voice which was kind of like a quiet purring, even though it could be heard throughout a hall of drunken sailors if he wished it to. Now it was filled with warmth, as he said, " Dear heart. You forgot me." He said sadly. _

"_I know, Aslan. And I know I can't do anything now to change the past, but if I could, I would have done it all differently." She sobbed. _

_His beautiful golden eyes sparkled with pity and love, wholesome, real love, the kind that a father has for his only child, a lover has for his partner, the kind that a king has for his kingdom. "You are forgiven, child, but don't forget me again. Remember that I will always love you, and though it may not seem so, I am always with you."_

"_Oh, Aslan, I promise! I'll never forget you again. I shall remember, I swear it!" Susan cried, and ran for him, buried her face in his lovely smelling golden mane. She kissed him, and tangled her hands all in it, and got lost in his love, which was all around him, so much of it that it gave him a gold hue. "I love you, Aslan. And I shan't ever forget again." _

_And she cried in his mane a bit more, a tad unbelieving that he would actually forgive her for so huge a crime. But he had, and Susan would always remember it to be one of his great acts of love. Aslan comforted her until she was able to stem her crying, and he touched her forehead with his tongue lightly. _

"_Have strength, my child, for I shall never let anything befall you which you cannot handle." _

_Susan nodded, and felt strength seep into her bones. She felt extremely comforted, and for the first time since she had received the call, she knew that everything would be alright. _

"_And, Susan, always know that your family loves you. Don't despair of what could've been, but look forward to what shall be." _

_Aslan smiled (well, as much as a lion can smile) and as a parting word, said "And now it is time for you to go back, dearest, to the waking world." His eyes danced once more with love and happiness, and Susan felt her own mood begin to lift, until she felt the love and joy that was considered normal in His presence. _

_Susan stood, straight and tall, like she used to as a queen, the Gentle Queen of Narnia, and walked back to her bed and laid on it. She felt a passing and brief sense of sadness for leaving, and felt for a moment that she should ask to stay just a while longer, but she knew that if He said it was time for her to go, she would go willingly. _

Susan woke with the same happiness and love in her veins, flowing and pumping throughout her body, and though she couldn't help but mourn the loss of her family, she also knew that as long as Aslan was wither her, she would survive. And she knew, just as she now knew, nay, remembered, that Aslan and Narnia were real, she knew that they were happy, and that they _did_ love her.

And for the first time in a long time, Susan washed her self free of all the makeup and masks that she had hidden herself with. She was a little surprised by how free and light she felt, and she reveled in the feeling. When she was done, she knew that she felt more like Queen Susan the Gentle than she had felt for a long time. And she couldn't help but square her shoulders, as she used to do as a queen.

She readied herself for the sorrow that was to come. But Susan knew she was ready, because she was in the paws of Aslan.

**A/N: Alright, here it is. I really just wanted to take a break from Girl Without a Name, and I honestly don't think that I will be continuing anymore of Jessica Thrum's story. I just don't have the inspiration anymore. Anyways, I was reading some other stories sort of like this, and I decided I just wanted to play around with it. It's not beta'd or even really proof-read, so if it has way too many spelling and grammar errors, please tell me. I'll probably write some more with Susan, just because of the spiritual-ness. To me, Aslan represents Jesus Christ, so that's really the only reason I feel comfortable writing stuff like that. So, I'll probably do another one on Susan going to church and finally figuring out that Aslan's name in England is Jesus. So, I hope you liked it! Please give some constructive criticism, as I really want to know what you think needs to be improved upon, and what you thought was relatively good! :) Thanks! **

**.::Bookwurm23::. **


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